For What to Expect’s "What I Wish I’d Known" series, moms and dads share the wisdom they’ve gained since first becoming parents. 

About nine months ago, I found out I was pregnant with my first baby — and I couldn't wait to share the news. Recent parents gave me lots of great advice — like to get on day care waiting lists right away and score all of the free registry gifts you can, tips I gladly took. 

One word of wisdom I ignored? Don't tell everyone your actual due date. "Tell people it's a week later than it is," one mom of a toddler advised me. 

That seemed so silly at the time — why would I lie about my due date? Of course I'm going to tell everyone when the baby is supposed to come! 

Fast forward to now, and I see the logic with unflinching clarity. I'm past due, and the well-meaning but constant stream of check-in texts is officially driving me crazy. Here's what I wish I'd done during early pregnancy — and my advice for fellow late-term moms in the same boat. 

It's actually incredibly common to go past your due date

Due date calculation may seem like an exact science: By using the date of your last menstrual period, you can predict when you ovulated and most likely conceived and therefore when the baby is supposed to arrive. In reality, due dates aren't that accurate: fewer than 5% of moms give birth on their actual due date. 

What's more, some data indicates that 81% of first-time moms go past their due date, and 61% of second, third or later pregnancies go past the due date.[1]#1 That's the vast majority! My OB/GYN gave me a heads-up that I'd likely go beyond the circled day, and I figured other people would realize there was a chance I would, too. Boy, was I wrong. 

Most people I know — family, friends, and the like — seem to treat the due date as a deadline. What started as a steady trickle of "how are you feeling?" check-in texts about two weeks beforehand picked up steam leading into the final days. I started getting pronouncements like, "It's baby week!" (It wasn't.) My trivia teammates bemoaned our "last" time playing together. (Nope, I came back.) Coworkers started taking me off of meetings. (Okay, that wasn't so bad, but I did feel out of the loop.) 

Six days past my due date, I'm still very much here, extremely pregnant and now extra stressed. "What the heck is the holdup?" and "Are you dilated at all?" are real questions I've gotten, which needless to say, were pretty unwelcome. All of the attention and check-ins have created this feeling of intense pressure over something I have zero control over. 

What's more, I'm personally fine with this pregnancy going a little late. I'm glad my baby is healthy and full-term, and my doctor and I are keeping an eye on it. The outside expectation, however, has just created a lot of tension when there doesn't need to be any. 

I wish I'd known these due date tips earlier 

Looking back, there are a few things I would have done differently. Here's what I would tell moms-to-be in early pregnancy: 

  • Don't broadcast your actual due date. Create a buffer and tell people it's a week later than it is, or keep it vague and only reveal the month versus a specific date. Either way, the breathing room could be helpful if you think you'll have a spontaneous delivery. (Things are different if you're planning a scheduled C-section or induction, of course!)  

  • Be selective with who you tell. A few people should know your real due date: your doctor (obviously), your partner and maybe a few select friends and relatives who you trust to be supportive and patient. (FYI: Well-meaning but eager grandparents are not the most patient in my experience.) 

  • Set your own expectations accordingly. Of course, you'll want to have a car seat and crib ready in case you go into labor early, but mentally prepare yourself for up to 42 weeks of pregnancy. 

If you're later in pregnancy and the cat's out of the bag, you still have some options: 

  • Have a go-to response. I found it easier to reply to all of the "How are you feeling?" texts with something short and sweet, like "Good! No updates yet!" That shut down the conversation I was tired of having, and let me change the subject to something else. You can even mention how you're getting so many check-in messages — some people will get the hint and stop asking. 

  • Hold boundaries. You don't have to answer any awkward questions. Reply with something simple like, "I'd rather not say."

  • Remember where it's coming from. At the end of the day, people are just excited. Even though they may be driving you up a wall, your loved ones want to support you and your family — something to keep in mind when you're looking for your village! 

I learned a ton throughout my pregnancy, but one thing I'm taking away in particular? Don't ask your third-trimester friends how they're feeling or when the baby is coming. Bring them a freezer meal. Give them some TV show recommendations. Let them know you're there for them. Trust me: They'll tell you when the baby arrives!