The only person possibly more excited than me or my husband for the arrival of my first child was my mom. When we surprised her with the happy news on Christmas morning a few years ago, she burst into tears of joy. Once our son arrived, she stayed with us for weeks — changing diapers, feeding and burping him, washing his tiny clothes, and letting us nap. It was an unbelievable gift.
A few months later, though, when the four-month sleep regression came, she began suggesting (and suggesting, and suggesting, and suggesting) I put rice cereal into his bottles of formula to keep him sated. I wasn’t even sure they sold rice cereal anymore, but I knew it was no longer recommended.
As a parent, you're so grateful for grandparents' help, but of course, your baby's safety is safely your number-one priority. You want to share new expert guidance, but you're also worried about hurting a new Grammy or Poppy's feelings.
If you're looking to make those conversations a little smoother, share this article with them. It breaks down the most common pieces of parenting advice that have definitely evolved in recent years — and explains the best, evidence-based approaches for handling those situations today. If you still need help getting on the same page, hear advice from fellow parents in the What to Expect Community about how they've handled tough talks with their own parents or in-laws.
- Parenting guidelines have changed significantly from the '80s and '90s due to new scientific research; in turn, the infant mortality rate has halved.
- Some important changes: Caregivers should put babies to sleep on their backs in a bare crib and skip the rice cereal.
- Share this guide with the older caregivers in your baby's life so they know how to best care for their littlest loved one.
Outdated: Put baby to sleep on their stomach with a blanket
A few decades ago, a crib equipped with frilly bumpers and stuffed animals was the nursery norm, but based on guidance today, it's really not safe.
"My mom has been trying to push letting my baby sleep with a stuffed animal she got him," says What to Expect mom mootoo. "I'm too scared to put it next to him because it's so heavy, and now that he's starting to grab things, I don't want him to pull it down and not be able to get it off his face. I've tried to explain this to her multiple times, but she keeps bringing it up."
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The idea of what constitutes safe sleep for babies has changed dramatically since the '90s. Several studies published early that decade linked stomach sleeping with sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). In 1994, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) among several other health agencies instructed new parents to place their babies to sleep on their backs.
Additional infant mortality research suggested that loose bedding, crib bumpers, pillows and stuffed animals also pose risks to babies. "The recommendation now is nothing in the crib but the baby," says Jack Maypole, M.D., a clinical professor of pediatrics at Boston University's Chobanian & Avedisian School of Medicine.
While a fitted sheet wrapped around a firm mattress may look like a stark sleeping space, it's much safer.
Outdated: Add rice cereal to bottles to fill the baby up and help them sleep
As my own mother did, many Baby Boomers advise that their grandkids get rice cereal in their bottles. "My mother-in-law was saying to ensure fullness, it used to be recommended to give babies cereal in their formula," says What to Expect mom alexnyc.
The idea is that bulking up a baby's liquid intake with cereal keeps them full, making them more likely to sleep for longer stretches.
But it doesn't really work this way: "Rice cereal doesn't have any meaningful calories to it — it's tantamount to eating ice," says Lauren Helms, M.D., an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Michigan. "It's also a huge mess — thick and gloppy, and really antithetical to the way we want babies to learn how to eat and drink."
Babies who eat too much rice cereal are also at risk for arsenic exposure.[1]
Additionally, "You could even cause a choking hazard with the thickness of their feed," says Cristina Alcaraz, M.D., a pediatrician at Durham Pediatrics and Duke Health in North Carolina. "And we've found that it can lead to excessive weight gain."
For the first six months to a year of a baby's life, breastmilk and/or formula provide all the nutrients your baby needs. "What keeps us full for longer is fat and protein, and those are the building blocks of breast milk and formula," says Dr. Helms. "So again, adding 30 calories of a rice cereal or baby oatmeal is not going to make or break your baby waking after three hours or not."
Outdated: Infants need to drink water
Water is what all living things need to survive, right? So it stands to reason that a baby needs it, too. But actually, infants should not get water until 6 months because their kidneys aren't fully up and running, Dr. Alcaraz explains.[2]
"My mom has questioned me about why I won’t give my son water at least three times now," says What to Expect mom beehernandez22. "I told her I will be waiting to introduce water at least until 6 months and babies do not need water."
That's what the latest research backs: "Water alone doesn't have any electrolytes in it, and electrolytes are needed in a very fine balance," Dr. Alcaraz explains. "An infant's kidneys can't work to filter and create that perfect balance." Without this equilibrium, seizures become more likely.
Plus, babies get all the hydration they need from breast milk or formula. "The fat, protein and vitamins a baby needs are in breast milk or formula, so water is in essence an empty meal for these babies that doesn't help them grow their new hearts, their new lungs and their new brains," Dr. Maypole adds.
Breast milk or formula should remain a baby's primary source of hydration, so stick to under 8 ounces of water a day after your little peanut turns 6 months old.
Outdated: Keep a baby warm with socks, hats and blankets
The desire to keep a tiny baby warm and cozy is an understandable one, which is why many grandparents want to bundle little ones up — even on a hot day in July.
"I told [my mom] to stop wrapping my baby up in a blanket the second she's in her arms because she gets overheated and starts sweating EVERY time," says What to Expect mom TBL13. "She tried to tell me, 'Babies don't overheat.'"
Unfortunately, that's not true: "We're more aware now that babies are at a higher risk of overheating in the first few months of life," Dr. Helms says. "They don't sweat very well, and when babies get too hot, they tend not to breathe as well."
Overheating is a risk factor for SIDS, which is why it's especially important to keep a baby cool when they sleep, experts say. It should be pretty easy to tell when a baby is too hot, Dr. Maypole says. Look for symptoms like flushed cheeks and sweat.
Outdated: Don't pick up a baby too much, or they'll get spoiled
Many grandparents worry that a baby might manipulate their parents by crying: "I am so tired of the older generation telling me I am going to spoil my baby by holding her," says What to Expect mom baby-coco91. "They have literally been saying this since the day we came home from the hospital. My grandpa says it, and my parents and sister keep saying it."
It's true that holding your baby is not a cause for concern. "Newborns are not conniving," Dr. Maypole says. "You're not causing harm, nor are you building up future therapy bills, by picking up a crying baby."
In fact, there's no evidence that you can spoil a baby.
"Babies in their first two months of life don't have a lot of self-soothing skills," Dr. Helms says. "They have one method of communicating with their parents, which is to cry. Indeed, it could hurt your baby's well-being to ignore these cries. "You're doing them a disservice if you're not attending to them whenever they seem to be calling out to you,
Outdated: Provide a sit-to-stand walker to help a baby learn to walk
On the topic of spoiling your baby, there's likely a deluge of toys coming from delighted grandparents. One gadget they might consider avoiding is a sit-to-stand walker, particularly the kind in which the child sits inside a plastic circle and rolls around the room independently.
"My mother-in-law planted this seed in my husband, and now he wants to buy one of these walkers," says What to Expect mom msainz1. "Everything I read says it’s not good for the baby."
It's true: Walkers can allow a baby to become "perilously mobile," as Dr. Maypole puts it. "They careen around the room, and it's so funny and cute, but the problems arise when these little kids spin away from the living room and go near stairs, or slam into things that might fall on them," he says. "They can get into situations that would not happen if they were just sitting or rolling around."
While these products are all over the market, the AAP has called repeatedly for baby chair walkers with wheels to be banned; their sale is already prohibited in Canada.[3] "We have to think about the rare but potential event," Dr. Maypole says.
How to talk to older caretakers about new guidelines
Knowing the latest research around infant safety is only part of the battle; sharing the information in a respectful way, and asking one's own parents or relatives to abide by these rules, is something else entirely. Moms in the What to Expect Community have shared plenty of advice about how to have these conversations, however.
- Focus on the cold, hard science, Community member bc7456 advises. That way, it's not about casting judgement on your parent's advice.
- Tell them that's what your doctor recommended doing, says user Girlmom-79.
- Anticipate "we survived" reasoning. A grandparent might counter with, "But you and your siblings were fine, right?" That's certainly a logical reaction, but here's how Community member beetcake responds: "I let them know that yes, we were, but infant death rates have gone down significantly since we were kids." Indeed, infant mortality rates have dropped by more than 50% since 1980.[4] [5]
- Set boundaries with caregivers. If these tactics don't work, you'll have to do one of the tougher parts of parenting. Remember, you're the mom and you know your baby best, says viola778. Brainstorm some ways (with your partner, if you have one) to set firm limits.
Remember, all parties involved just want your little one to be healthy and secure. Says Community member Nvel95, "Please continue being a great mom and keeping your baby safe."
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