By Joe Gonzales, as told to Amelia Harnish
For What to Expect’s "Dadvocates" series, parents who have gone to great lengths to help others share their inspirational stories.
I will never forget the drive home from the hospital with my newborn son, Sol. When I say I was locked in, I was locked in. I was so focused — almost shaking — driving 15 mph through the streets of New York City.
From that moment, I knew my life was forever changed.
I’ve always wanted kids, but I know there's no real way to prepare for the experience of becoming a parent.
Everything from watching my wife go through physical changes and trying to support her, to figuring out how to keep our new little person alive and happy, 24/7, felt hard. It is at once so mundane and monotonous — feeding, rocking, changing diapers — and yet so profound.
But it was also isolating for me.
Sol was born on June 3, 2024, and by the end of that summer, I was going stir crazy. He hadn’t gotten all his shots yet, and as first-time parents, my wife, Mallory, and I were nervous about venturing out in the world. I wanted to get outside, and I really needed a community. But I had no idea where to look. I felt so lost.
I needed support, so I created a community for all of us
I didn’t have many friends here in the city who were parents, and certainly none who were new parents. I wanted to talk with other people who had experienced what I was going through. I started looking online for resources or groups for new dads and couldn’t find anything that resonated with me, so I turned to my own social media.
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I posted to my TikTok a simple question: Where do the dads in New York hang out?
The response was a flurry of comments affirming that a community of dads was lacking but very much needed. So I set a date for October 19th, when Sol would have a bit more immunity. I put out an invite for a simple walk in the park on my social media channels. I called it the "Brooklyn Stroll Club" and just said, "Let’s meet at the park in my neighborhood, McCarren Park, at noon, and bring your babies in their stroller. We'll walk and talk."
The response was overwhelming — both online and off
I was blown away the day of our meetup. Twenty dads and their babies showed up to that first walk through the park. That may not sound revolutionary, but it was so humbling to me to have people show up, all wanting the same thing I wanted: just some space to feel seen in my new role as a parent. It was super simple: We just walked and talked, sharing stories, advice and jokes. (Dad jokes, of course.)
Then, when I posted a recap of the event on my TikTok feed the next day, it got more than 600,000 views and 200,000 likes. Then, even more dads reached out, asking me when and where the next event was going to be.
That was all the motivation I needed to keep going. So many other fathers messaged me, telling me I was on the right track and what I was doing was so needed not just in our own community, but in communities everywhere. I knew I needed it, but I had no idea how much hunger there was for the idea until I put myself out there.
Since that first walk last October, we’ve continued to do monthly in-person events, and now Brooklyn Stroll Club is on Discord, an online community site, where you can join groups that interest you. The Discord group has 1,400 New York City dads in it, and we have regular meetups in every borough of the city.
As dads change their narrative, communities matter more
There are still a lot of negative stereotypes in our culture around fatherhood. There’s this antiquated idea that dads don’t change diapers or dads aren't around because we're working. But this generation of dads is stepping up, and just like moms, we need community and camaraderie, too, to do it right.
I'm aiming to be very intentional with my son and be an equal player in my family. My wife and I both work full time. I can’t breastfeed, but I can play. I can clean the house. I can cook. And I can feel confident taking my son out into the world on my own.
That’s what our events have become: a place for fathers to come together, be present with their kids and yes, maybe give their partners a break for a few hours, too. We talk about our kids and our lives.
We've built a space for dads to connect, share and grow
With the Brooklyn Stroll Club, we have created something special.
Just this April, we hosted dads of all walks of life: an expectant dad, whose partner was giving birth in three months, a dad of an 8-week-old and a dad who has grown kids who is about to become a grandpa. To see the camaraderie across generations and experiences is so beautiful because it shows what community can really do for us — bring us together in ways we didn't even know we needed.
When I talk to someone who has a kid the same age as my son, it feels like we’re on this journey together. There’s a daily struggle that we share. I’m up at 5 a.m., hitting the Discord group, posting “we’re teething! We’re going through it.” And getting advice — and virtual high fives, and a lot of 'keep-going' messages in return. I feel seen and understood in a way that I didn't before because now, I have a village of people who are in the thick of it with me.
I want new dads to know you’re not alone. And if you can’t find the support you need, don’t wait for it. Start something, even if it’s small. What I've learned is that when one dad shows up, it gives the next one permission to do the same. That’s how communities begin. That’s how change starts.
I still consider myself a new parent. People keep telling me to stop saying that now that my son is 11 months old, but I can't help it. Every day is a new experience.
Seeing my son grow so quickly, I’m trying to embrace every moment. It feels so intense at times, but I’ve found that when you embrace it all, you can tap into something you didn’t know you had in you. It brings out something so beautiful. I’m just grateful I get to share that with so many other people in my city.
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