For What to Expect's "What I Wish I'd Known" series, moms and dads share what they wish they knew when they first became parents.
As a new mom to a 1-month-old baby who would only stop crying when he was held or rocked (or both), I ordered a baby swing in a moment of desperation — just so I could put him down for a few minutes while I ate or got dressed.
But when the swing arrived a day or two later, it quickly became clear that the swing it was much too big for my tiny urban living room — a space that's smaller than some suburban bathrooms. To be more accurate, it took up the entire room. (Also, my son didn't like being in it at all.)
For years, my husband and I had our hearts set on buying a small rowhome in Philadelphia after he finished graduate school. We always knew we wanted to start a family, and we assumed that a little house would be just fine. But that moment with the swing was the first of many times where I'd second-guess myself, wondering whether we needed to upgrade to a bigger space out in the 'burbs. I had heard so many times — directly and indirectly — that I'd need more room after having a baby.
Six and a half years later, we're still in our cozy rowhome. And while it's not always perfect, I'm ultimately so glad that we didn't spring for a bigger space, and I wish other moms knew the same.
Living in a little house can have its challenges
Full disclosure: Our house isn't *that* small. At 1,200 square feet, with three bedrooms and two bathrooms, it might sound big enough on paper. But it's a 120-year-old house with lots of small, chopped-up rooms spread out over three floors rather than the open floor plan that most people go for today. Our main living space — the kitchen, dining room, and living room — is pretty cramped. (And that third bedroom is about the size of a closet.)
Read This Next
Needless to say, those early days with a baby brought some tough moments. The jogging stroller I'd so painstakingly researched was too big to store in our entryway. (I ended up putting it in our basement and almost never bothered to lug it up, mostly just using my baby carrier to get around town instead.) And as he became more mobile, we had to get rid of our living room coffee table so he had enough room to toddle around.
It didn't help that our families, who all had sprawling houses in the suburbs, clearly felt cramped and uncomfortable when they'd cram into our tiny living room. Though my mom never *said* she thought we should move to the suburbs, the vibe I got from her was that we were depriving our son of a traditional suburban home with a big backyard.
I wasn't alone in feeling pressure to move. The push to "upgrade" to a bigger home — often in a suburban area where housing is more affordable — is really common, says Shira Gill, a small living expert whose family of four lives in a 1,200 square-foot home in the San Francisco area.
What to Expect Community member Cactusbloom12 puts it this way: "I feel really insecure about it. It's hard to not feel like we’re 'supposed' to be in a bigger house and it’s irresponsible that we aren’t. I think it’s because we live in a really nice suburban area, and that’s what we see all of our friends in. I don’t want to be potentially criticized by friends or family for having two kids in a two-bedroom house."
And of course, there's the fact that "affordable" is a relative term. For an increasing number of folks, those big, single-family homes are becoming out of reach. More than 90% of Americans live in counties where median rents and home prices grew faster than median incomes from 2000 to 2020, while housing demand has outpaced new housing supply, according to the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
But also? Some people — myself included — just like living in an urban environment, where housing space tends to be especially limited. We love being surrounded by neighbors and walking everywhere, including to kid-friendly spots like our local parks, library and baby music classes. It's also great that my husband doesn't have a long commute, so we can spend more time together. (I work from home, so commuting isn't an issue for me.)
You don't need to move to fit your children
Making our space work for a child took a little creativity, and there were times when I fantasized about leaving the city for a big suburban house. But looking back on it, I'm so glad we stayed put.
Living in a small space encouraged us to get out and meet other families who've become a core part of our community. It incentivizes bringing less stuff into the house, which has taught my son that he doesn't need a ton of toys to be happy.
Perhaps most significant, the three of us simply end up spending a lot of time in the same room together just hanging out. I think when I look back on my son's childhood, I'll remember those moments more than the stressful ones where there was too much clutter on the kitchen table (which does happen often).
That said, there are some things I wish I'd known during my pregnancy and time as a new mom that I think would've made those early days feel a bit less cramped. Some things to consider:
Pare down before your baby arrives, if you can
Rather than registering for everything the sample registry list tells you that you need, ask for just the essentials. Then once your baby arrives, you can add items one by one as you really need them. "Essentials" are different for everyone, but when my son was a newborn, I'd say the most important things were a bassinet, car seat, a baby carrier, clothes, diapers, wipes, a baby bath tub, tons of washcloths, a breast pump and a few bottles. That was really it.
"My best advice would be, stop [the onslaught of stuff] before it comes through the door," says Gill. "Question what you need at various phases of parenting. It's probably significantly less than what you've been told." (The high chair, yes. The baby food maker that takes up half of your kitchen counter, probably not.)
The less-is-more vibe is one that's echoed by many What to Expect Community members. "We’re a family of three living in 800 square feet," says growinggrogu. "Minimizing and decluttering and just not having stuff has been more helpful for space than any storage item ever could be."
Don't stress about the nursery at first
Babies don't need a Pinterest-perfect bedroom to be happy — or safe. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that infants sleep in their parents' room (in their own bassinet or crib) for at least six months. "So you don't need to worry about having a separate nursery right away," says Daniel Ganjian, M.D., a board-certified pediatrician at Providence St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica, California.
Once your baby is a little older and you're ready to reclaim your room, then you can get creative. When Gill's second child was born and the family was maxed out on bedrooms, they transformed a nook into a safe sleeping space for the baby, for instance.
Consider swapping spaces when your child gets older
Have you thought about giving your child(ren) the primary bedroom and taking another sleeping space (like the smaller bedroom or an office nook) for yourself? "That's kind of a growing trend that we did with our own kids," Gill says. "Parents just need a place to sleep, but kids need more space to play. So swapping those rooms is an easy hack." It'll also give you a dedicated space for toys and gear that you don't want taking over your main living space.
Think about what your child is getting, not what they're missing out on
Focus on what a small space can give your family: more meaningful interaction with your little one. "When you're in close proximity to your child, it's easier to engage with them throughout the day," Dr. Ganjian says, "and, when you have less space for toys and entertainment, you may be more likely to find creative ways to play with your child, such as reading, singing or playing games together."
Now that my son is in first grade, our choice to stay in a small home also gives us lots of opportunities to talk about our values: namely, our preference for avoiding lots of excess stuff and to live within our means so we can spend more time together instead of spending more time working. Hopefully, those lessons will stay with him for life.
Yes 
No 
Trending On What to Expect
