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The first time I heard about push presents for dads, I was very pregnant with my first baby — we're talking raging heartburn, can't-get-comfortable, ready-to-be-done pregnant — and I think I might have snorted in response. Get my husband a gift when I was the one about to push out an actual human who had taken over my body for the last nine-ish months?
"The baby is the gift," was my firm stance at the time, although some friends of mine felt strongly that this kind of present was a must for their own partners. One even bought her husband a fancy new watch to celebrate him becoming a dad.
The topic is still proving divisive among pregnant moms. A recent What to Expect Community post asking for dad push gift ideas quickly garnered more than 100 responses, with commenters split pretty evenly on the issue. So are push presents for dads a nice gesture or totally uncalled for? Let's take a closer look.
- Some moms are giving their partners gifts as a thank you for helping during the pregnancy or a way to make them feel valued.
- Others say that carrying a baby is a big enough gift, and this creates an unfair expectation for moms.
- Before giving a push present to your partner, think about what you want the gift to say and why you're giving it.
Should pregnant moms give gifts to their partners?
Opinions are mixed on this topic, to put it mildly. Many moms feel the way I initially did. For example, "The gift I'm giving my husband is our baby," one mom wrote.
Others think that the gift creates additional stress that pregnant moms shouldn't have to deal with.
"The whole 'He's doing so much for me/he's done so much for baby' thing rubs me the wrong way," wrote one member. "You're a partnership. In my opinion, baby tasks should be split as equally as possible, and he doesn't deserve a gift for taking over responsibilities you can't do while pregnant. That's just what he needs to do while you're growing a baby."
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On the flip side, some Community members say that getting a present for their partner feels right. The gift is either a thank you for everything he's done during the pregnancy or a way to make him feel valued and included during a time when moms are more in the spotlight.
"I know the norm is that women get push gifts, but honestly my husband has been holding it down the last few months and I’d really love to get him a sentimental gift," one What to Expect mom says.
"With baby showers and everything being about mom, I wanted to get him a little something," another adds. "His whole life was about to change too, and because he isn’t the one pregnant, I think he felt a bit on the sidelines the whole pregnancy."
How to decide what's right for your relationship
If you're thinking about getting your partner a push present, think about what the present represents to you and what you hope it communicates, advises Brooke Schwartz, L.C.S.W., founder of Sawtelle Psychotherapy Group.
"If you aren't sure, I'd encourage you to think about whether you're buying your partner a push present because you want to, or because you feel you should," she says.
Consider how you may feel if you don't receive a push present in return or if the response is different from what you're expecting. If you're unsure how your partner might react, consider having a conversation ahead of time rather than surprising them with a gift to help mitigate any potential for hurt feelings, she says.
Seeing as this is a divisive topic, you may also want to think about how other people in your life may react when they hear about the gift and how you might handle any potential backlash.
That's not to say you shouldn't give your baby's dad a push present because of what others might think, but it's a good idea to be prepared for these kinds of interactions. The hormone roller coaster that is the postpartum period can make emotionally charged conversations that much more stressful.
To that end, "If someone makes a judgmental comment about your decision to give a push present, consider making kind self-statements like 'I did what felt right for me,' or 'Gift giving is how I show love, and that's okay,'" Schwartz recommends.
Want to buy dad a gift? Consider these tips
If gifts are your love language or you know your baby's dad will cherish a push present of his own, here's some inspiration from our Community members:
- A personalized Dad sweatshirt or hat
- A mini team jersey that matches one he owns, so he and his kiddo can twin
- A nice new water bottle, because dads need to hydrate too
- A necklace with the baby's star sign
- A new coffee machine, to help him power through the exhausting newborn days
- A gift card for a massage
- A Lalabu Dad Shirt with a built-in baby carrier
How much are moms spending on a push gift for dad?
While many moms go smaller and more sentimental with a dad-themed T-shirt, some shell out on daddy push presents.
"My husband has made my pregnancy so unbelievably calm and peaceful," one gift-giving mom says. "He did research on everything for me and took over the house and dogs. So yes, I got him a pair of Lucchese boots he’d been eyeing for a couple years as a 'thank you.'" (Lucchese boots, for the uninitiated, range from about $500 to $2,000 per pair.)
If your budget is tight or you feel a little unsure about giving a dad push present, some Community members suggest planning a gift like this for his birthday or the first Father's Day after the baby is born instead. Personally, I'll definitely consult this list for Father's Day gift inspo.
If your baby's dad isn't that into gifts or you don't have time to find the perfect one before your baby is born (pregnancy is stressful enough, after all), there are other non-material ways to make your partner feel included and valued, Schwartz says.
Think about what you want to communicate with your non-material push present. If you want to tell him, "I will still always make time for you," consider making a coupon for a post-bedtime date night.
If you want to say, "Thank you for everything you've done to support me during my pregnancy," perhaps write a card "with a list of nine things your partner did to support you," Schwartz says, "one for every month of your pregnancy, representing how your needs and their support evolved over time."
Now that I'm no longer the level of pregnant that makes it hard to breathe, my own thoughts on daddy push presents have softened a little bit, and to me, this Community member's comment sums it up perfectly: "I think this is a super sweet idea. Agree with the comments that the pregnancy is a partnership and you don’t have to get him a gift. However, it’s a lovely gesture!"
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